dressing room depression.

so. have you ever found a pair of jeans and decided to try them on? and then the helpful store clerk says "let me know if you need another size!! that brand tends to run quite big." and then you look over the selected jeans, still on their hanger, and think " they do look enormous." but then decide to try them on anyway, because it will be a good self esteem boost to be able to pull them up, while still buttoned. and oh! how great it will feel to see them hang loosely around your waist. you may even pull them out in the front (while sucking in abnormally) just to see if indeed, 2 of you could fit in these huge-o jeans.

in you step....big over the ankles, as anticipated. all is going well until about 3/4 up the thigh. they must still be buttoned. nope. so you hop a little and kind of wriggle back and forth to get them up and over. you wrestle them on, but make the mistake of looking in the mirror. you could describe the sight as comparable to watching a pile of sausage get stuffed into that skin/sack it comes in. there is serious flesh spillage coming out the top. you then see the posted note "dressing rooms monitored. tapes reviewed every night."

you puke a bit in your mouth.

the tag was probably wrong. skinny clerk probably meant they run really small!

don't bother to put those stupid jeans back on the hanger. step back into black sweatpants that never get stuck on your backside........


not that this has happened to me or anything.

cuz' that would be embarrassing, and nothing you would share with others.
and it may make you wonder how long 5 year olds remember things.

yea-- that has definitely never happened to me, either.