hellooo elastic waist!!

seriously...denim is a horrid fabric. even the stretch denim is no longer a friend of mine. earlier in the week i had to suffer through a conversation with 2 of my small framed friends; listening to them go on about how they can't buy stretchy jeans b/c they just fall right off after wearing them for a couple of hours. excuse me!! since the birth of my first, almost 10 lb. child...i cannot say i have had that problem. things shift during pregnancy, and in my case, never return to their place of origin. the give offered by stretch denim has kept me a part of the jean wearing world. i am no longer welcomed in that world. over the last month i have noticed that none of my jeans fit. some are so far from fitting, that i wondered if they ever fit or if it was just a dream. instead of backing off from the costco cake and delicious fountain coca-cola, i decided to buy a new pair of jeans. i humbled myself and went past the size i used to sport and headed to the back of the rack. (they shove that size to the back b/c it is always cuter in the size 0.) i find a pair that look like i could cram 2 of my husband in to them, and i think to myself "these will be way too big...see it is not so bad." not so much. as if jean trying on is not hard enough...is it really necessary that everything from the thighs up gets pulled upward in a jelloish motion? it does not feel good when you need to shove random areas of stretched out skin back into the jeans and do squats to try to get your thighs back in place. the only problem i have with stretchy jeans falling down is when the upper quadrant of my now disfigured backside rides up above the waistline of the jeans....there is no stopping gravity at that point. i have pleaded my case to brian, begging for some repair surgery....trying to remind him that since he has to look at me...it is really for his benefit. no deal. i have considered calling around to see if there are any doctors that need practice in this area..i would be a willing experiment. but for now, i have dug out the overly large gray sweat pants that i wore when i had three children in my uterus. apparently, my skin misses them and stays saggy in their honor. yesterday i picked them up from preschool and they had each made a valentine. my percentage of the class comes running up to me to show me their valentines inside of beautiful pink enevelopes. my soul says "this is why your body is a mess!! how worth it for 3 little valentines." swelling with pride i look at the envelopes, only to see that not 1 is addressed to me. how rude. well, when i come to their school events in my mom jeans and they look humiliated. i will remind them (while busting out old cheerleading moves) that it wasn't always like this. there was a day that i could slide into "front of the rack" size jeans without effort or body part misplacement. these mom jeans are for them!!!